Sacred Sex and Conscious Connection
and Conscious Connection
“About a year ago, I found myself in an inexplicable depression.”
Eva Clay gets right to the point. The sexologist and relationship coach was surprised by her malaise—she had great friends, an awesome career, and incredible support in her life. Yet, “I felt a deep ache that I couldn't explain. When I evaluated my life, I realized the majority of my connections were happening virtually—through social media, Skype, and other platforms…”
“…The intense hunger and sadness I felt was for in-the-flesh, body-to-body connection.”
Clay’s story is a common one—in this virtual age, many of us feel even more disconnected from the people around us than ever before. And much like Clay, the typical networking or ‘connection’ events feel hollow … or even weird! “Something was missing,” says Clay. “These events were either too shallow, or too serious, or brought in a more mainstream crowd.”
So she started her own. Connexus is Eva Clay’s curated event, a place where alternative-minded, sexually adventurous and spiritual people can meet and connect with each other. “My mission has been to create spaces where people can connect in a heart-centered, embodied way, and have edgy conversations around diversity,” says Clay.
Intrigued? Us too. We sat down with Eva to learn a little more about the Connexus event series, chat about the stigma of sex in today’s culture, and talk about magic. Keep scrolling for more.
In an age of mega-swiping everything from potential partners to potential shoe options, why is it important to create mindful spaces for human interaction?
We know without a doubt that social connection is the top determinant to health and happiness. Scores of studies tell us this, and yet at the rate we're going with swipe-culture, our relationships are endangered! All the science shows us: We need to be in-person for real empathy and belonging to occur. Our capacity to empathize impacts every level of our existence; the way we make love, how we parent our children, to how we steward the environment.
Crucial social skills such as listening, articulating, gesturing, and loving presence are not being rehearsed and sharpened. Hence—Connexus—where interaction is guided a bit, so one can grow these skills, form deep relationships, and have a blast with a great tribe of conscious people.
How does healthy sexuality play a role in Connexus?
We are not having enough good sex! Think about it—the best sex is connected sex, where our partner actually feels us, and we give and receive real intimacy. In our culture, sex is either shamed or exploited, and is often misinformed. The swipe and hook-up culture, along with internet porn, has changed the landscape of intimacy—so since I'm a sexologist, I wanted to create an environment that welcomes a shame-free conversation about sexuality, where we can voice our perspectives and get inspired about how to make our sex life more pleasure-filled, playful, and honoring.
What's important for anyone new to know going into a Connexus event?
It's not just a singles' event! We are all-inclusive. I've had a lot of people say: "Oh I can't come, I'm in a relationship." Well—that's exactly why you SHOULD come! Couples need community and sex education just as much! The story that once you're in a relationship, all is hunky-dory - is a myth. We need to be supporting couples, and seeing them as role models.
Also—although we make it easy for singles to connect, this is not a "hook up" or "speed dating" event.
I'm biased, but I think it's way more fun … *wink*
What do you wish more people knew about?
Sex education! Where do most people learn about sex? Usually from porn or feedback from partners. The problem is-all the good stuff is being left out. It's not like we learn how to have sex when we're young and...end of story! Sex is a lifelong adventure, and changes constantly over time. I endorse embracing 1) A sex-positive attitude where we get excited to learn anatomy, physiology, and erotic psychology, and 2) Sources for adult sex-ed that are conscious, intelligent, and honoring to women (like Connexus!).
What do you want to learn more about?
I want to learn (or invent!) new models and paradigms of partnership. It's clear the conventional model of happily-ever-after is going extinct. I think it's important to remember that marriage is just one chapter in human history, and that we're due for an update. I'm excited to bring in a New Way of loving. That's what Connexus is about!
What's your mantra of the moment?
USE YOUR MAGIC.
When I'm stuck, it's always because I've forgotten that I'm magic. I remember my magical tools and - voila! Problem solved. Just USE YOUR MAGIC!